Office Jargon Buster

Have you ever taken a moment to actually contemplate some of the nonsense you utter at work? Well the next time you find yourself or others using office buzzphrases, have a little think about the meaning behind them. For starters, All Work – No Play have compiled a selection of our most irritating business jargon, providing our own unique take on each.

If in reading this, you begin to feel ashamed by your uncontrollable use of jargon at work (and rightly so), perhaps you could recompense with a generous donation to charity? To assist, we’ve provided a page (http://www.charitygiving.co.uk/allwork-noplay) where you can give to our chosen charity Sport4Life UK. Alternatively, why not set up a jargon box in your office and challenge your colleagues to ‘fork out’ whenever they blurt-out.

Right, let’s get the ball rolling…

♦ Missed the boat on that one. So all your business decisions are relayed via water? Perhaps consider land-based modes in the future.

♦ Moving the goalposts. If this happens, just make sure you demand oranges at half time!

♦ Managing their expectations. Someone’s been telling porkies.

♦ Joined up thinking. Suggest thinking about commas or semi colons.

♦ Let’s touch base. Office flirting has become a lot more surreptitious these days.

♦ Close of play. You must really be deluded if you believe you’re playing a game at work.

♦ Ballpark figure; Cover all bases; Drop the ball. Did you know all business managers are required to attend baseball coaching sessions?

♦ See what comes out in the wash. Really only acceptable if you happen to work in a launderette.

♦ Thinking outside the box. Don’t let all your problem solving decisions be based on what you’ve seen on The Apprentice.

♦ Singing from the same hymn sheet. Don’t panic, there will be plenty of hymn sheets to go round at the Christmas party.

♦ Blue sky thinking. Daydreaming about being outside in the sun.

♦ Brain dump. Please dispose of any unused brains responsibly.

♦ Throw a spanner in the works. I fail to see how health and safety law hasn’t addressed this widespread wanton act of vandalism?

♦ I'll keep my ear to the ground. I’ll have a lie down until someone else finds a solution.

♦ Go the extra mile. But be aware by the end of the week you’ll be 5 miles away from the office!

♦ Get up to speed. Required if you’re to cover that extra mile.

♦ Back to the drawing board. Well there’s a flip chart in the corner. Will that do?

♦ Let’s do lunch. It seems lunch has bullied its way into being a verb as well as a noun.

♦ On my radar. First Blackberry phones and now personal radar. Whatever next to destroy the remaining shreds of work privacy?

♦ Let’s take it offline. Ah, but you still won’t be able to dodge the radar!

♦ Let’s not reinvent the wheel. Has anyone ever actually really tried though?

♦ In the loop. What is the loop? It could be a snare trap, or worse still, a noose. Beware.

♦ Park that thought. Who let you drive?

♦ Going forward. A great direction to choose if ever you’re going somewhere.

♦ We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. Trying to cross a bridge before you get to it could result in very wet feet.

Have we missed any obvious office jargon or perhaps you’ve come across some equally annoying ones in your job? If so, let us know below!